“Sometimes you dream strange dreams, impossible and unnatural; you wake up and remember them clearly, and are surprised at a strange fact: you remember first of all that reason did not abandon you during the whole course of your dream; you even remember that you acted extremely cleverly and logically for that whole long …

             …Why, also, on awakening from your dream and entering fully into reality, do you feel almost every time, and occasionally with an extraordinary force of impressions, that along with the dream you are leaving behind something you have failed to fathom? You smile at the absurdity of your dream and feel at the same time that the tissue of those absurdities contains some thought, but a thought that is real, something that belongs to your true life, something that exists and has always existed in your heart; it is as if your dream has told you something new, prophetic, awaited; your impression is strong, it is joyful or tormenting, but what it is and what has been told you—all that you can neither comprehend nor recall.”

Fyodor Dostoevsky, “The Idiot”

                   It began in the middle of nowhere. I was dashing through dark shadows of a jungle, escaping an army of dark little creatures, resembling Boschian characters. I was terrified, but full of assurance of invincibility. I remember the burning adrenalin flowing through my veins, the loud sound of my beating heart and the pain that each heartbeat was causing my chest. I remember the little branches scratching my face and the bothersome sounds of squeaking creatures from behind. The chase was long, but it was bringing me closer to the end of the jungle. That was not relieving. I did not know what was going to begin next and desperation was slowly beginning to crawl into my mind. After passing the last tree of the jungle, a huge valley spread out in front of me, coated with that sapphire sky. A gigantic ivory full moon was hanging on the left side of the road fading the stars with its radiant shine. The road was turning into hill, and I found myself running up and losing my speed. The creatures and desperation were about to take over when a silhouette of a big wolf, gently outlined with the silver moonlight, appeared in sight. He was waiting on top of the hill. He knew me; his sparkly diamond eyes were staring at me. “Hurry up and get on my back,”- I heard. It wasn’t a verbal communication, rather a mental signal. In a few minutes I approached him, got on his back, as it was told and he instantly speeded through the dark indigo valley with glistening moonshine. The creatures were unable to keep up to his speed.

“You have to hurry up. Don’t be scared, we will help you.”

“We? What is going on?”

“You have to get there as soon as you can, but you should not be afraid. I can only carry you through the Moonlight Valley. My friend will meet us on the border to take you through the Wheat Field.”

“What is my destination?”

“You have to find out yourself. Now get some rest.”

After this last silent response I hugged the wolf, laid the side of my face on his furry neck and stared at the bold glossy valley. The crisp horizon was separating the ultramarine-green-indigo surface from the brilliant sapphire space where the radiant circular shape of perfection was enclosed. The King of solitude was carrying me away through the mysterious night. Engulfed with feeling of safety and serenity, I was lulled to a deep sleep. The track of time was lost. As we reached the border of the Moonlight Valley and the Wheat field I was awakened. 

“Here, he will accompany you along the field,” –said the wolf as I shifted my sleepy eyes at a huge lion standing in front of us. I rapidly jumped off the wolf’s back, thanked him with a single glance full of love and appreciation and got on the lions back. The wolf didn’t even look into my eyes and raced back through the valley.

Everything was dipped in golden and bronze colors. Golden wheat field was reflecting the warm raising sun leading its way to the top. The breezy healing air caressed my scared face and filled my lungs with such pure freedom that I was never familiar with. My hands were holding on the mane of the giant friend, my back was straight; my curls were waving up and down mimicking the rapid muscular movements of the lion and my face- my face was enslaved by an euphoric smile. I was sitting on the Czar of nature and we were sharing the emotion of absolute freedom and equality. The difference in appearances was absolutely insignificant – we were equal. We were both particles of the same life energy. Overwhelming waves of love were flowing through our bodies: love for the dazzling golden valley, love for the refreshing wind in our faces, love for existence, for speed, for the sun, the sky and love for those waves of love. Everything that bothered me before became irrelevant. Fear of the evil creatures transformed into a humorous memory and the suffocating interest for my mysterious destination completely dissipated. I was enjoying the secret of freedom that was love, and the secret of love that was

freedom. 

The ride was long. Sunrise was altered by sunset when Czar told me the border was close. It was good news for my determined and inspired heart; I was ready for the future. Through the tall golden wheat plants ahead, I could see the coming dark end. It looked like abyss. The lion stopped as he approached the shaved empty border of the valley. I was right. It was an abyss. “Here, I can’t help you anymore. I believe in you,”- silently said the lion as I jumped off his back on the dusty ground. We exchanged with warm looks for a minute, thanking each other for the experienced secret and he rushed back through the golden wheat valley. He disappeared from my sight in seconds.

I turned towards the abyss and quietly stared into the dark and cold nothingness. I was lost, but not lost emotionally. It wasn’t the end. I stepped closer to the edge and looked down: there was infinite darkness blurred in fog. Suddenly I heard sounds of a heavy movement approaching from above. I stepped back. A giant flying creature appeared from nothingness. The gracious gestures of heavy wings landed him on my right. First I thought it was a crow; then it looked like a mutated eagle. It was a Griffin. He had dark feathers with shining silver tips and hypnotic eyes- a pair of emeralds. His sparkling glance was directed at me. He ostentatiously laid his left wing on the ground hinting me to get on his back. As I obediently crawled up, he raised our bodies up and rushed into the cold nothingness. The frosty cool wind immediately moistened my face; it was pleasant after the previous sunny ride. The air carried a refreshing sharp scent of pine forests after rain. Muted sounds of the squeaky creatures were reaching and departing in waves, but it was insignificant. The mythical Lord was flying me through the dark foggy nothingness. The weight of his enormous wings was causing a vibrating tension in his stiff back muscles, where my hands were placed. I was mesmerized by the power of flight honored to me by the majestic Lord. He also felt pride. There was absolute respectful equality between us. My heartbeat was raising; emotions were overflowing; my head was clear and determined. There it was, the feeling of omnipotence.

Abruptly, the viewpoint changed within seconds. I was watching myself flying on the griffin from above. Something was pulling me up and away from the scene. I noticed a strange flock hostilely flying towards my body and the griffin. I wanted to yell and warn them but the dark-colored image began spinning in smudged spirals and I was being carried further and further away from the scene.

I woke up. The room was sunny. My heartbeat was restless. An idiotic tender smile was on my face. A few still minutes passed in silence. I decided to admit it. It was only a night dream… No! How could it be?! But the journey was a month long! That odor of pine forest was stronger than the smell of breakfast coming from the kitchen! It was still in my LUNGS! And those emotions… I still felt them! My disappointed mind was in a dull denial. Paradoxically, my soul was full of joy and warmth. Still lying in bed, I stared through the warm sunny curtains, spinning the dream over and over in my head. “I was either in a different reality, or my imagination has decided to finally drive me absolutely nuts,”-I concluded the confusion with a laugh. The preserved emotions of freedom and equality washed off the disappointment. I was left with an euphoric joy specific to idiots or drug addicts under influence. That dream fed me with positive emotions for a whole week. I have to mention that three years ago I was a 16-year-old kid in a gloomy low self-esteem teenager phase. Staying positive for an entire week was strange, even my surrounding noticed it. The memory of that dream became a comforting home for my mind up to this day.

Masha Keryan